I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
