My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize