This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
