I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
