we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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