he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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