We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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