I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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