I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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