remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
