i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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