he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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