i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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