just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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