oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
