I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
