a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
