a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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