hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
