he wants to bone in the snuggie
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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