what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
