Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
