Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
