Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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