Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
