Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
