I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
