forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
