You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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