Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
