I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
