His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
