Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
