and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
