I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
