she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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