He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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