So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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