So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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