About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize