I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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