Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The uberlube is also flammable
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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