he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
