i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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