my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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