Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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