If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
