Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
