my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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