Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize