you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
