Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I stole a fireplace last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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