Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
