I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize