My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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