there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
