I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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