whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
