I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize