we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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