I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
