Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize