I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize