I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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